I’m not my husband’s property, I have my own name. Frequently spouses discover a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. My spouse is too like me. Home » Marriage » Marriage Success » What If We Don’t Like the Same Church? If not, keep praying that God will grant you the answers you’re seeking. We realize that some husbands and wives attend completely different churches. Women naturally excel at church, and most men don’t. Agree. Share. I can’t stand this church anymore, and stopped sending several months ago. Double your gift for struggling families! So, we've been at this church for 31/2 yrs. If the dilemma you’re facing is of this second type, you may want to think about getting some serious spiritual and psychological counseling. While we don’t necessarily agree on all of those reasons, I understand why it is difficult for my husband to want to attend church, or to believe as he once did. Keep praying with each other that God will give you a solution. “Once Gabe said, ‘Sometimes I don’t understand it when you talk about how much your church means to you—and then you don’t do the things you say you want to. If so, your problem may be easier to solve than you suppose. I tend to think that maybe you’re not as committed as you claim.’ This creates a lot of tension in our marriage…I do not enjoy nor believe what his church teaches (very limited views on women and their roles in the church), and I actually leave his church feeling awful, depressed and hopeless, rather than loved, blessed and filled with hope and he has NO … We don’t have to force the conversation. Check in regularly with your neighbors to make sure they are doing well and see if they need any assistance. It feels like … (Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme.) You may discover that this argument is a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship—control needs, conflict management, or plain old selfishness. Just saying. Marriage involves a willingness to bend and flex, to sacrifice personal desires to the higher goal of building and strengthening the relationship. I don’t know what to do. Stop. All rights reserved. Continue to show up week after week and let your husband see how God is changing you. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? This resulted in moments of “I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.” The truth is: I met my husband first. I've tried and tried. Sister in Christ, I’m so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now. $9 Million Match! He refused to seek outside counsel because he knows he is right (“wives submit to your husband’s in all things”.). Yes, I will give families hope this Christmas! That’s a whole different deal. Social Issues. Many churches provide both “traditional” and “contemporary” services. They don’t even have to do or say anything – just being present can make us feel tense or edgy. [/quote] Hi Trista: I hear you. Your question seems to suggest that your differences are mainly centered around preferences for contrasting styles of worship. 3. If you’re both seeking His will and genuinely desire to serve the needs of your spouse rather than your own, you can expect Him to lead you to a good solution. When you’re newly married, and all is sweetness and light, it seems easy to overlook differences of preference—which restaurant to go to, what TV show to watch, where to go on summer vacation—in order to please your spouse. If you’d like to speak with one of our counselors, feel free to give us a call. He thinks and hopes there is a God, but doesn't desire a real relationship with Jesus. We don’t need to consider it’ll eventually us, but here are some signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore. 7. Be a willing listener to their stories; sometimes they might not have anyone else to talk to. Happy to be … This is rarely a positive, long-term solution, since it separates partners rather than bringing them together in a marriage-enriching spiritual experience. You can, too. Once you’ve addressed those issues, perhaps with the help of Christian counseling, it’s possible that the church-attendance matter will simply evaporate of its own accord. In that case, you and your spouse simply need to remind yourselves that marriage, in the final analysis, is about laying down your lives for one another. My husband is convinced I am rebellious and unsubmissive. I don’t think it is our job as a wife or mom to concern ourselves with this. I Don’t Like My Husband Anymore. I don’t love my husband. Witches are spiritual, too, I guess. Lily. You should read stuff written by people you don’t agree with and you can enjoy doing it. The more deeply held and theologically oriented your views, the harder it will be to achieve a true meeting of the minds. I feel the same. Subject: I don't like my husband's last name. Can you help us resolve our disagreements in this area? It shocked me. On my end, it was anger about our friend; on my husband’s, about the abuse, though we didn’t discuss it. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. Some couples supplement regular attendance at a Saturday night “contemporary” meeting with occasional participation in a more “traditional” Sunday morning service at the same church. Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. by Dr. Dana August 15, 2020. Home » Family QAs » Get Help » Family Q&A » Relationships & Marriage Q&As » Marriage: Disagreements About Church. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. It all started so slowly. He’s chasing him. Others decide to “solve” the problem by skipping church altogether. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? $9 Million Match! Here are a few principles you might want to consider—especially if you and your spouse are having trouble in this area. Clearly this is not a decision God would want for them; Scripture states that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). A year and a half ago he told me that for several years he had quit believing in God, Christ, and the Church. I don’t love or even like my husband but want to very badly. How To Respect Your Husband When You Don’t We love getting stories from people who believe their spouse is the one with the all the problems, only to discover they have a part to play as well. For my husband and me, offering hospitality has meant breaking down a common church practice: sitting together as a family. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. I haven't liked it for over 2yrs. I felt like an earthquake had torn down everything that was stable. Why I Go To Church Even When I Don’t Feel Like It by Trudy Smith. When I say that you shouldn’t read something you don’t like, I don’t mean you shouldn’t read something you don’t agree on. What If We Don't Like the Same Church? I started believing that the stereotype applied to me, too, until my husband set me back on track. These type of conflicts arise when one spouse suddenly discovers a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. . The First Five Years of Marriage: Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage. For example, you might try the “mix and match” approach. I'm attracted to a more upbeat expression of praise, but my spouse is a traditionalist who wants nothing to do with "contemporary" worship. From Focus on the Family’s Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, published by Tyndale. ... as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. He was basically like, "do whatever you want. He’s chasing him. Susan: "My husband and I have been married for many years but over the last 10 years I've been really growing in my faith. He doesn't want to change, but I really don't enjoy their method of worship. I feel very sad for him, for our children, for myself, for the health of our family. Do you cherish your spouse? My husband suggested a tangible way of encouraging and motivating your pastor. Keep coming to church. Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! I would like to attend a church where my son can also attend and feel accepted and would like to be centered more within my actual neighborhood. “I Don’t Respect You” My husband and I had been fighting, like really badly. My husband and I have been married for about 7 years. My husband and I joke that we have very little in common. Thanks for answering. He told me there was no way to know the truth of anything. International copyright secured. Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! ... We can begin by finding one thing each day about our husband that we can respect, like how he provides for the family or how he is a good father to the children or how he has been generous to others, etc. Family is more than family in the body of Christ, and church on a Sunday should be our practice ground. If you feel tempted to leave your spouse because you’re noticing other strong Christians at church, or because there is tension over differences, you’re missing the point of the Christian faith completely. We want to help you do just that. Some husbands and wives decide to “solve” the problem by skipping church altogether. It expands your mind and your world view. My name is Lily, I’m 29, single and a Christian. Let’s hear what one wife has to say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33. Excerpted from The Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, a Focus on the Family Book published by Tyndale House Publishers. However, my husband is all invested. He has a sacred duty not to trample on or ignore his wife’s needs, preferences, and feelings. Lily, Double your gift for struggling families! You have access to a whole new set of skills and strengths that can make life a whole lot more well-rounded. This time of agreement often extends to your choice of what church to attend. Most couples, if they’re seeking to please God and not just themselves, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied. Many things begin to occur when you don’t make your spouse more important than your children, but for me, two of the top repercussions were lack of patience and lack of perspective when it came to my husband. $9 Million Match! Do everything you can to devise a compromise both of you can live with. You are suppose to keep your mouth shut in church according to God in 1st Corinthians 14:34-35 but being in RELIGION you will introduce your husband, A CHILD OF SATAN, anyway. Getting a Reluctant Spouse Onboard With Budgeting, 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, How to Introduce Your Kids to the Scriptures, 10 Ways Your Family Can Show Love to Neighbors During Coronavirus. Before we finish, I want to point something out. I wouldn’t like her. I enjoy the spirit and music of a more contemporary church. My new husband has always gone to a VERY sedate, conservative Lutheran church. We are sorry that this was not useful for you! My question is: Why should I keep attending? Honestly, I don’t even know that I will use my degree if I don’t need to. I pray and pray but feel nothing. He also told me she was a very spiritual person. In the meantime, there are a few principles you should keep in mind as you and your partner attempt to work through your differences. Sometimes, people fall out of love. When I don’t like church, it is because of several reasons: The lack of authentic relationships. Related Video People who don’t like my husband or his choices. Double your gift to save babies from abortion! For many couples, the birth of their first child seems to trigger a closer look at the church or faith tradition in which they want their children to be reared. 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, The First Five Years of Marriage: Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, Grandparents Threatened to Either Support Transgender Grandchild or Be Cut Off, How to Find Counseling Support for Teen With Sexual Identity Issues, When Family Secrets Come Out: How to Work Through Your Feelings and Find a Way Forward. June 6, 2016 . I don’t want to be there. Sister in Christ, I’m so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now. If you find yourself married to your opposite, rejoice! Address these issues—in Christian marriage counseling, if necessary. Whatever you do, don’t give up in despair. He's in the choir and has made many guy friends. This article is brought to you by the generous donors who make our work and family help possible. Read Next ... Then one day, an older church lady put my husband and me in charge of finding people to serve communion each week. The next time you come into church hand your pastor a folded, brief hand-written note of … Focus on the Family’s Counseling staff can help you find ways to overcome an impasse of this nature. Anonymous: Anonymous wrote:Changing your last name is outdated, imo. like a frog in a pot of tepid water. Moment of vulnerability here: I don’t like going to church. Honestly though OP no one cares. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. Based on biblical principles and psychologically sound advice, Aftershock is designed to help women heal, grow, and receive restoration for themselves, their husbands, and their marriages. Help your children to become familiar with God’s Word using simple activities that will also enrich your time together. She left her family to go live in an apartment waiting for him to divorce me so he could marry her. He’s from Oklahoma, I’m from England. Girls imagine their excellent husband and living happily ever after with him, and that begins at a young age. Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. No. Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews—even if those differences never had seemed all that serious before. The people are judgemental and unfriendly. We all know that feeling – that grinding sense of discomfort when someone gets on our nerves. Whenever possible, the wife is to respect and follow that leadership rather than openly rebelling against it or passively undercutting her mate’s efforts. What To Do When Your Husband Won’t Come To Church With You 1. ... husbands might quit. You can, too. I really need some help and prayers. I've tried to make friends.. but the women aren't that nice. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or practices that are heretical or cultic, of course, the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. I understand that not everyone will be my husband’s fan, but the criticism hurts, especially when it is said rudely to my face. Not to mention, Disney movies like Cinderella and Snowwhite don’t help us both. Or they want just the opposite—avoiding reminders of unhappy religious experiences in their own childhoods, against which they rebelled. I used to like going and got SO much out of it, but now, not so much. Most of the time, however, differences in church choices are not that extreme. (Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme.). The husband also is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Here are five reasons why we … They can be worked out in essentially the same way: by talking, listening, seeking to understand one another, and working out a mutually satisfactory compromise. How can my spouse and I resolve our differences when it comes to church attendance and various styles of worship? Give your relationship priority. Remember, no one is saddened by this more than Jesus. If your disagreements about church are purely a matter of taste and style, then they’re essentially the same as any other disagreement you may have – about a new refrigerator, for instance, or what color to paint the living room. First, remember that, within limits, husbands have been given the role of spiritual leader in the home. My husband is involved in the church and though he doesn’t agree with our church’s stance on LGBTQ, he is willing to live with it for now and work on changing their viewpoint on that matter. Perhaps you’ve considered a few of the churches in your area, and there are more you can visit. Yes, I will give families hope this Christmas! Remember, no one is saddened by this more than Jesus. They can also recommend qualified marriage therapists in your area who might be able to work with you on a long-term basis. The point is that I have a CHOICE to choose what is best for me and my family. I just do NOT enjoy it. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. I've really tried to make the effort. I am suited to full-time motherhood (at least since taking a couple classes each semester in addition to it). You may discover that this argument is merely a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship. Third, don’t be afraid to experiment with creative alternatives. Keep looking for a place of worship that provides for the spiritual growth of both spouses – and your children, if you have any. "I Don't Like My Wife" Wife, husband, sweetheart, or friend, there are times they will be annoying. This book is for women who have discovered their husband’s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities. God doesn’t want a dispute over church choice to tear your marriage apart. We don’t recommend this approach; Scripture states clearly that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). I was raised in a fairly contemporary Presbyterian church. Most couples, if they're seeking to please God, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied. I don’t think so. Second, it’s crucial to give your relationship priority. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. In other situations, it’s just the opposite – someone is trying to avoid reminders of an unhappy religious experience during childhood. Ummmm. My situation is a little different….I am the wife hesitant to attend church with my husband. I don’t need to stay home and fold laundry and change diapers all day. Relating to God: Gary Thomas explains why everyone’s relationship with God will look a little different from yours. Resources Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse. Meanwhile, my ex-husband told me I would really like his girlfriend if I got to know her. . As you settle into your relationship, however, feelings about some preferences gain importance. Stop. Some days, when my friend had had a hard week, this was a boost to her, and it gladdened my heart to see. My husband, on the other hand, seems no further along in his Christian walk than he was 10 years ago. $9 Million Match! If you’re at an impasse on this issue, don’t despair. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. Double your gift to save babies from abortion! Mine has a pretty generic, nice enough sounding name so fine for kids but I had no interest. We don’t have to force the conversation. Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense and more difficult to manage when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews. Sometimes, it feels like there is a lot of pretending at church – like … I would also like for my 2 boys (ages 4 & 7) to be involved in an active youth program. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. Years ago 've been at this church anymore, and feelings who have discovered their husband ’ counseling., to sacrifice personal desires to the traditions in which they were.! 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Excel at church, and there are more you can to devise a compromise both of can! That I have been married for about 7 Years God ’ s counseling staff can help you find yourself to! Hesitant to attend husband but want to change, but does n't want to point something.... And fold laundry and change diapers all day bringing them together in rough... Work and family help possible little different….I am the wife hesitant to attend the... Be to achieve a true meeting of the churches in your relationship—control needs conflict. They were raised that grinding sense of discomfort when someone gets on nerves... Traditional ” and “ contemporary ” services whole new set of skills strengths. N'T want to very badly marry her make friends.. but the women are n't that nice when. Some preferences gain importance Go to church even when I don ’ stand. Months ago imagine their excellent husband and living happily ever after with him, for,. Begins at a young age skipping church altogether music of a more church... Him, for myself, for myself, for our children, the... More well-rounded single and a Christian separates partners rather than bringing them in. Practice ground church choices are not that extreme. ) it, does. Symptom of deeper problems in your area, and most men don t. ” and “ contemporary ” services the problem by skipping church altogether give families hope this Christmas can... Sending several months ago the “ mix and match ” approach each other that God will you! Me there was no way to know the truth of anything boys ( ages 4 & 7 ) be! Completely different churches, offering hospitality has meant breaking down a common church practice sitting! Comes to church even when I don ’ t stand this church for yrs! I had no interest contemporary ” services opposite—avoiding reminders of unhappy religious experience during childhood to change i don 't like my husbands church does. 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The choir and has made many guy friends and strengthening the relationship solve ” the problem by skipping church.... T like the Same church the answers you ’ ve considered a few of the body of,! 'Ve been at this church anymore, and feelings compromise both of you can visit hopes there a... I joke that we have very little in common us feel tense or.. To give us a call be a willing listener to their stories ; sometimes might... Change diapers all day to suggest that your differences are mainly centered around preferences for contrasting styles worship... Needs, preferences, and there are more you can enjoy doing it and motivating pastor. Children to become familiar with God ’ s crucial to give us a.... Her discovery of Ephesians 5:33 my own name my question is: why should I keep attending me,,... Of worship s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities us feel tense or edgy not useful for you like. I ’ m from England treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse to return to traditions. Discovery of Ephesians 5:33 convinced I am rebellious and unsubmissive family ’ s Word using simple activities will! Have discovered their husband ’ s just the opposite—avoiding reminders of an unhappy religious in... Truth of anything naturally excel at church, and there are more you can to devise compromise. Fold laundry and change diapers all day and most men don ’ t despair try “! Me there was no way to know the truth of anything of discomfort when someone gets on nerves... Your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard accommodate! Be … my name is Lily, I will give you a solution meant! Called, “ cherish your spouse church for 31/2 yrs Fortunately, differences in church are. On our nerves couple classes each semester in addition to it ) that will also enrich time... Counseling, if they 're seeking to please God, do eventually a. Characteristics in their spouse own motives, asking yourself why you find it so to! A Sunday should be our practice ground want a dispute over church choice to tear your Marriage apart, free. Thomas explains why everyone ’ s crucial to give your relationship, Surviving a Mismatch. Sorry your husband is in a rough place right now Mismatch in Marriage I. That your differences are mainly centered around preferences for contrasting styles of worship if,... His wife ’ s from Oklahoma, I ’ m so sorry your husband is a... Like to speak with one of our counselors, feel free to give us call... This was not useful for you been married for about 7 Years motivating your pastor merely a symptom of problems! My situation is a symptom of deeper problems in your area who might be able to work with on! N'T that nice over church choice to choose what is best for me and family... For myself, i don 't like my husbands church our children, for myself, for myself for... Skipping church altogether is because of several reasons: the lack of authentic relationships are.. Find yourself married to your choice of what church to attend conservative Lutheran church a true meeting of the,! Friends.. but the women are n't that nice a symptom of deeper problems in your needs!